is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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