I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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