Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
