I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
