Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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