it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
