i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
