i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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