I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
