While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My cat gives me a boner
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
