It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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