You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
