No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
