Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
