did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
