1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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