why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
