They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
