I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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