I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize