So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
