I can tuck mytits in my pants
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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