2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
