Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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