The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
