Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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