Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you had me at cake vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
