She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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