it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
