Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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