Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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