those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
