I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize