I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
