I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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