i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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