She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
