she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
