You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
