that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
