Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
