smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
