I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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