I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
