yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
