Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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