You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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