DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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