peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
