One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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