Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
