btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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