ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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