hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
