3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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