So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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