try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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