Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
