Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.