He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.