Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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(805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k

Replies (12) Good night (1379) Bad night (1570)
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(310): View more from California

your room smells of hookers.

(904): View more from Florida

And success

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(310): your room smells of hookers. (904): And success http://tfl.nu/jlzy

Replies (10) Good night (1914) Bad night (559)
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(630): View more from Illinois

When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

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(630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8

Replies (16) Good night (9279) Bad night (1111)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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(410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm

Replies (13) Good night (4839) Bad night (893)
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(301): View more from Maryland

not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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(301): not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs http://tfl.nu/cui3

Replies (6) Good night (2572) Bad night (1081)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

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(410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP. http://tfl.nu/xvnv

Replies (4) Good night (4208) Bad night (1195)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

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(678): I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly http://tfl.nu/mkzb

Replies (6) Good night (3114) Bad night (1018)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.

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(910): I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating. http://tfl.nu/3b9t

Replies (6) Good night (2529) Bad night (980)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

yeah you don't forget that shit easily

(651): View more from Minnesota

We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.

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(651): You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"? (1-651): yeah you don't forget that shit easily (651): We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email. http://tfl.nu/xfpa

Replies (11) Good night (4734) Bad night (695)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.

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(604): As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck. http://tfl.nu/89l5

Replies (14) Good night (2544) Bad night (711)
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(851): View more from

Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.

(522): View more from

Don't break up.

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(851): Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th. (522): Don't break up. http://tfl.nu/7rul

Replies (12) Good night (2253) Bad night (558)
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(941): View more from Florida

I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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(941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv

Replies (4) Good night (1464) Bad night (557)
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(417): View more from Missouri

What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.

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(417): What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now. http://tfl.nu/j4tm

Replies (9) Good night (660) Bad night (1314)
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(876): View more from Jamaica

i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend

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(876): i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend http://tfl.nu/snpm

Replies (9) Good night (779) Bad night (447)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."

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(757): You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE." http://tfl.nu/ep4x

Replies (5) Good night (1495) Bad night (443)

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