fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops