Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the new term for farting is butt boxing.

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  (505): the new term for farting is butt boxing. http://tfl.nu/pbdi
  Replies (10) Good night (930) Bad night (1195)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave

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  (716): i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave http://tfl.nu/v8cs
  Replies (39) Good night (768) Bad night (4792)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!

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  (832): i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!! http://tfl.nu/co2h
  Replies (28) Good night (5489) Bad night (555)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101

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  (972): My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101 http://tfl.nu/qihv
  Replies (23) Good night (4140) Bad night (545)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.

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  (423): i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago. http://tfl.nu/sxj3
  Replies (11) Good night (3676) Bad night (786)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?

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  (724): He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl? http://tfl.nu/b3zj
  Replies (12) Good night (786) Bad night (1910)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.

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  (903): So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/z5my
  Replies (18) Good night (1840) Bad night (835)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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  (205): Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth. http://tfl.nu/rtd2
  Replies (12) Good night (1057) Bad night (2189)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5960) Bad night (722)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.

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  (720): You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis. http://tfl.nu/1eq4
  Replies (3) Good night (1768) Bad night (589)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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  (248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj
  Replies (26) Good night (3595) Bad night (556)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye

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  (763): Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye http://tfl.nu/6gyi
  Replies (10) Good night (718) Bad night (1004)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished

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  (775): You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished http://tfl.nu/zdpg
  Replies (5) Good night (775) Bad night (394)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there

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  (419): you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there http://tfl.nu/8eig
  Replies (0) Good night (288) Bad night (471)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.

  (1-952): View more from Minnesota

  The tryst?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.

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  (952): I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst. (1-952): The tryst? (952): The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity. http://tfl.nu/9sse
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (150)

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