Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics

Fav 14 1385 2015
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(310): View more from California

Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."

Fav 6 3789 1174
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(816): View more from Missouri

He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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(561): View more from Florida

Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.

Fav 5 1072 5697
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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.

Fav 4 1367 2979
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(816): View more from Missouri

Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

Fav 14 2487 1139
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(205): View more from Alabama

You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too

Fav 5 862 583
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(906): View more from Michigan

You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.

Fav 1 98 221
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