if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.