Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.