You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
