I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
