Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
