Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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