I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
