A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
