i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
