ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
