Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
