sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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