Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Houston, we have a blender
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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