Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
