whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
