We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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