Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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