Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
