I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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