I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
