There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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