Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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