He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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